"Every fallen angel prays for a second chance to fly again. And over time these tired wings have given in to the same old sins.
You're the only one who makes me feel like I could ever fly again."

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

To be or not to be, .... I don't understand the question :s

Not a long post today but I thought I should post one so that nobody thinks I ditched my blog. I've just been procrastinating- as I do with most things- and not updating.
So this weekend, if we find a parent to come, myself and four other students from the drama class will get to go to Kemesse Mines and we will decorate their entire hall and about four trees. That sounds like fun, even the -30 part, but I'm  most excited about the plane. I'm 17 and I have never been in a plane. I've been in a helicopter though. that was cool. But I like planes. Even if they do have a great tendency to crash into the ocean, or be taken over by terrorists, killing us all...
Anyway. I hope ya'll are doing  fantabulous cause I'm trying to be :-) 
Ciao ......Mein!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

five-hundred- twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes.

Good Evening.
            It looks like I will not be getting that super awesome little chick truck that would have fit so perfectly in my parking spot, after all. Tis an unfortunate thing as I was quite drawn to the country red colour of the exterior and the beautiful gray three seater bench seat in the interior. I could see my friends and I driving with the heat on high and windows rolled up to prevent us from getting sick in the blustery northern wind while listening to Aaron Prichette or Dean Brody who was born in my town. 
          I could see myself adding another bumper sticker to the many that already adorn the bumpers, that says "Silly boys, trucks are for girls." I've always wanted one of those. I almost put one on my car, but I figured it wouldn't have much of an impact. Oh well, Dreams must live and then like people, they die. I sure hope no one ever quotes that. That is a very depressing quote. 
       Also, this post is so much more dramatic if you read with a movie announcers slow, emotion filled voice and imagine Pippi Longstockings in a beautiful 1991 Ford Ranger with two brunette friends. If you haven't been reading it like that, infact, if you are still not reading it like how i described, I'm afraid you just won't be affected the same way. 
Much appreciation for your cooperation.
                                                   Pippi Longstockings.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Butterflies Doing Gymnastics In My Tummy

I might be buying a truck. I need a truck. I also need money. And I should be doing chemistry or math right now since I only have a month and a half to finish that. And I need my dad to answer his phone so I can ask to borrow money. How old do you have to be to take out a loan? I  really don't want to do that. AAAHHH I'm so nervous! If I get this truck which I really hope I do (I'm meeting with the guy about the truck this afternoon which is why I'm so nervous) I'm gonna have to pay him money except it will actually be my dad's money so I'll have to pay him back and then I still have to pay my dance lessons and gas for the truck(The dance lessons are for me, not the truck) and possibly my teacher's psychiatrist bills because he has to get therapy for teaching such an awful student!
Wow. that was a long sentence. I'm so nervous I can't even pray! How bad is that! Oh man, I'm worrying. I shouldn't worry. Breathe. in. breathe. out. dad. call. me!!!!!!!!!!! gagahgahghaghl;ad'fpogu ewrpounqe9rut]\

Well, contrary to how it looks, I haven't released any stress yet. God? wuduido?

By the way, Hello.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Happy Playlist AKA Dark Chocolate playlist

To help me get back on the right track I made a playlist of songs that  I love and that I know will lift me up. I realized that I've been complaining about how nothing works out for me and it would be so great if one thing actually went MY way. But it's actually perfect that its not because that means its going God's way. And since he knows where I'm going and why and when... I think I don't mind if he puts my plans on hold. I just make His plans my plans and we'll be good. I seems I have some trust and faith issues, but I'm working on that. Anyway, The Dark Chocolate Playlist.

While I'm Waiting - John Waller
In Better Hands - Natalie Grant
Hello Sunshine - Barlow Girls
I'm letting Go - Francesca Battiselli
Bring the Rain - Mercy Me
Can't Get Away - Rush of Fools
The Lost Get Found - Britt Nicole
Love is Here - Tenth Avenue North
Sing Me A Love Song - Barlow Girls
The Beauty of Grace - Krystal Meyers
Safe Place To Fall - Cadia

And Shania Twain's "UP" is also a most played on my ipod :P 

I hope everyone is having a great day. Don't forget to remember those who have fallen and given their lives so that we can live. Jesus and the Soldiers. 

P.S. I love my perm. My stick straight blah hair is curly and hippie like :) I LOVE IT!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

You said "I'll never leave you alone."

Have you ever said that to someone? "I'll never leave you alone." Did you mean it? Did you keep your promise? God said he would never leave me alone, and he never lies. So where is he? It's not that I'm not looking hard enough. I see him at work making beauty in many other peoples lives, just not in mine. I kinda feel like the guinea pig. God tries stuff out on me and thinks "Well, that really isn't working so I won't do that for anyone else."
I'm not blaming God for my problems or anything. I'm just questioning and wondering and thinking. Tonight in our youth group we were talking about how we were made to glorify God and how all things glorify God and are for our good. Does that mean that my broken family brings glory to God? The fact that I'm a child born out of wedlock? My dad abandoning me? My dad being a better father to his girlfriends' kids then he ever was to me? I'm not happy. and right now, I don't know if I ever can be. I want to be meet a wonderful, godly man and get married and have kids one day. But looking at myself, who would want this? My life is so twisted and screwed up! I want so badly to get out of this town and start a new life, but I know it's not gonna help or change anything. It's impossible to run from reality. I don't know what to do. I should probably pray but right now, the last thing I want to do is talk to the person who gave me dad who doesn't give a shit about me unless his current girlfriend is gone. The worst part about this is that I am quite wary of people. especially guys that show interest in me. Because I'm so sure that they are just gonna treat me like my dad has treated me and his multiple girlfriends.

I think I'm just gonna buy out a bookstore and move into the mountains. I'll be a hobbit. or a hermit. what ever those mountain-cave-people are called. That way I'll be alone and I don't have to worry about anyone ever promising me things and then breaking those promises. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's quite pointless. I will go now and not come back until I can say something positive.

Hello. I'm getting my hair permed tomorrow. I'm somewhat excited somewhat nervous. I hope it works and actually makes my hair curly. I hope you have a fantastic night.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Could life get any better? uh... I think YES!!!

So. My car went from popcorn maker to------ Machine Gun. Seriously, pedestrians looked about ready to duck and hide when I came up behind them. And then after a tedious slow three hours at work I pulled out of the parking lot and scared the flock of birds that were huddled underneath. Which of course kinda scared me. Anyway, long story short, my car scared me enough to make me pull over in a tow away zone and then call my mom. of course, nobody answered the home phone or her cell phone so i had to call my aunt and I was getting all scared cause my car had a breakdown (or should I say brake-down. I feel better now) and I was gonna have a breakdown and--- it was not a pretty 15 minutes. Thankfully I got everything figured out (except my life) and now I'm home safe and warm with no car and a busy busy next two weeks. God help me.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


EEE! The guy did not ask me out, Thank goodness. Instead he told me that I was really good at what I do. Which I guess is drama and acting considering that's the only class I have with him...hmm. I should ask him to clarify. 
In other news, I sent an apology letter to my teacher saying sorry for being such a horrible student who never submits anything and that it's not his fault if I fail. Maybe now he'll pass me :P Just Kidding. I'm working on my school. Somewhat slowly kind of not really at all. 
And my car broke down. Rather it has slowly been breaking down over the past 22 years and now it just decided to take all of it's senile anger out on me. There is something in the front wheel that makes a REALLY loud clicking noise that kind of sounds like a popcorn maker on wheels. Today I was driving down main street and everyone on the sidewalk was looking at me and then this drunk guy standing by the help center started yelling and pointing to my car trying to tell me that it was making a noise. Yeah thanks sir. As if I wasn't already embarrassed enough. Oh well. The lives of the poor and unknown *sigh*. One day, I will be able to afford a run down truck that looks country and I'll paint it like a pirate ship. I actually hadn't planned on that until my fingers rapidly (pun...) typed it out. But now that I am thinking about it, that would be kinda cool.
This is fun. 
Kinda awkward.
I have nothing left to say.
Grease rocks.
Go watch "Whip It"
mkay. now I'm gonna go.