"Every fallen angel prays for a second chance to fly again. And over time these tired wings have given in to the same old sins.
You're the only one who makes me feel like I could ever fly again."

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Wow, after 9 years of classical music training I still had to sing Julie Andrews' song in my head to write that title. S'okay though. It's a good song. So merry christmas to ya'll. It seems odd for me because we are in Vancouver (think "Olympics 2010") visiting family over the holidays, and there is no snow! At home we have at least 1 1/2 or 2 feet of snow. But my aunt, who is the best aunty in the world by the way, took me and my sisters to "White Christmas" on the 23rd. Watching those actors and actresses sing and dance and then act so normal, like they were born on stage; I'm gonna do that one day. The thing is, I've danecd for two years, my acting needs caoching, and I dropped my singing lessons because of time issues. And almost any great musical has a fantastic tap number. I can't tap dance. So maybe by the time I'm freakin 50 I'll have reached my dream. But at least I'll have reached it, right? Anyhoo.
I can smell the turkey in the oven and it's making me hungry so I'm gonna go eat something little to save room for the good stuff :) Merry christmas everyone!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

And This Is The Part Where my Procrastination Bites Me In the Butt

"Root" and "canal" seem like very innocent words. Scratch that. They sound terrifying. You trip over one, falling and drowning in the other. Together they form "Root. Canal." Aka. @#$@#$@#$@#$)$^^%#$%#%@#$!@!#%!

My tooth hurts. And it's gonna hurt until the end of freakin January! New Topic. 

I don't swear a whole lot. I mean in my head and in my car, I have the mouth of a drunk redneck, but normally in my average day, I don't swear. I was talking to this guy in my drama class that swears ----- often.  I still don't understand what his reasons were for swearing but then again, I don't understand a whole lot about guys. (And they think girls are confusing.) Anyway, our class in putting together our own play about bullying and we are going to compete with it. And because we are dealing with all types of bullying, swearing is involved a lot. Today my teacher voiced my thoughts. Everyone is using the language so harshly and too much that in the scenes where it could be really effective, it's not. I understand that people use it to make a point, and whatever. I don't really care why people swear. It's just that--- it's drama class. Everyone says "Hey, be yourself. Don't fit in. We accept you." But then, when the script I'm given has the F word four times and I skip over it, everyone snickers. And I can just feel them looking at me thinking "What a goody little two-shoes. She probably thinks she's so cool." 
"Did she seriously use the word 'snickers' while not talking about chocolate? wow. She must be homeschooled."
Even my teachers looked at me like "Are you serious? It's a character."
I think every single person in that class feels so out of place and that's why they are all friends. Sometimes I wish I could have gone to school instead of being homeschooled, just so I could fit in. But at the same time, I like that I'm different. I like that I'm not just like every other girl swearing and hugging the guys. It makes me stand out. But do I really want to stand out? I know I want to get out. Of high school. This town. 
I want to find a cowboy. That's one thing I can laugh at with others, I know it's not likely that I'll ever find the perfect imperfect, rugged, legit cowboy. But still. A girl can dream, right? 
Wow. This was a long post. I'm gonna go stare at my chemistry page. 
And I should probably find someone to punch my left cheek and numb it because this tooth hurts like Hell. 
and hell isn't a swear word. it's in the Bible ;)
I sure hope YOU have a wonderful, root canal-less, High-school chemistry- less, happy day. 

There are four cops having coffee at the table in front of me. I feel like they know I was speeding on the way home last night.....

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Where is the "Pause" Button on the Universal Remote?

Just a quick note to let you all know that I am surely losing my mind. The proof of all this started a while back when I began literally falling out of bed in the mornings. To make matters worse, I'm in the loft which means I'm sleeping next to the ladder hole. So, stumbling and standing after rolling off the mattress and having a mini heart-attack from feeling my legs not hitting something solid, I gather my wits and prepare to descend down into the real world. This is when I step on the shirt, scarf, or jacket that I threw on the ladder the night before and slip, therefore creating a loud thump and a moan of "Okay, God. I'm awake now".
That all takes place within the first 5-10 minutes of my actually waking up. Then I usually skip breakfast (I know I know, it's the most important meal of the day) and I begin drowsily staring at my computer screen until the chemistry questions look like they make sense. That's when I conclude I really am going crazy. The rest of my day consists of me procrastinating doing my school work and playing "Flo's Diner Dash - Flo On the Go!" just cause. *sigh* 2 more months until I turn 18 and then I can... do more stuff. I guess. Like go to Alberta and drink! that's actually the only good thing coming at my birthday.
Have a good day!
Much love ,
Your insane blog writer.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

whoops. I forgot I had a blog...

Well, hello there. I'm afraid I got caught up in not doing my school that I completely forgot to post a blog entry. Also, I was away decorating a hall at a mine. Awesomest first airplane ride ever, by the way. It was so bumpy and like a roller coaster! I loved it! and the other girls stared at me like I was crazy. So just had to ask "So this is what it's like to travel first class?". (We were in this tiny little plane for 16 people. there was only one class....)

anyway, today I was writing out some Christmas cards. One to my brother in Vancouver, one to my sister in Vancouver, one to my sister in my house, one to my cousin/friend in Houston (BC, not Texas), and one to the very best friend in the world next to Jesus. But I was writing the addresses on the cards and I realized I was quite unsure of how to spell the last name of my cousin. Phonetically it says "Mackwichuck" but it's spelled "makowichuck". I think. I hope. and then my best friend's last name has a easy name except that I can never remember if it's two k's or two r's. I think I should stop eating all these baileys chocolates. it's messing up my brain. Well, it's messing up the part that isn't already messed up. :)

So, the moment I've been waiting for actually happened. my teacher emailed me to ask where all my assignments were. we have 25 days of school left, I'm on week 4 of 18 and he writes "I'm concerned that you may be a bit behind in your assignment submissions." uh, ya think? oh well. Chemistry is easy. I'm doing a week a day. I bought my self this awesomely addicting game called Flo's Diner Dash except she is now trying to make a name for herself on a cruise ship. No I'm stuck on level 15 and I have put myself on lockdown from it. School first. I admit that I've taken a couple breaks. But mostly school first. and except for this blog posting and some random facebook checks to get home addresses for Christmas cards, I've been looking an NH4H2O and like things for the better part of the day.

So, Merry Almost Christmas, and have an awesome month!
I wonder how many times I'll say that before christmas...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

To be or not to be, .... I don't understand the question :s

Not a long post today but I thought I should post one so that nobody thinks I ditched my blog. I've just been procrastinating- as I do with most things- and not updating.
So this weekend, if we find a parent to come, myself and four other students from the drama class will get to go to Kemesse Mines and we will decorate their entire hall and about four trees. That sounds like fun, even the -30 part, but I'm  most excited about the plane. I'm 17 and I have never been in a plane. I've been in a helicopter though. that was cool. But I like planes. Even if they do have a great tendency to crash into the ocean, or be taken over by terrorists, killing us all...
Anyway. I hope ya'll are doing  fantabulous cause I'm trying to be :-) 
Ciao ......Mein!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

five-hundred- twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes.

Good Evening.
            It looks like I will not be getting that super awesome little chick truck that would have fit so perfectly in my parking spot, after all. Tis an unfortunate thing as I was quite drawn to the country red colour of the exterior and the beautiful gray three seater bench seat in the interior. I could see my friends and I driving with the heat on high and windows rolled up to prevent us from getting sick in the blustery northern wind while listening to Aaron Prichette or Dean Brody who was born in my town. 
          I could see myself adding another bumper sticker to the many that already adorn the bumpers, that says "Silly boys, trucks are for girls." I've always wanted one of those. I almost put one on my car, but I figured it wouldn't have much of an impact. Oh well, Dreams must live and then like people, they die. I sure hope no one ever quotes that. That is a very depressing quote. 
       Also, this post is so much more dramatic if you read with a movie announcers slow, emotion filled voice and imagine Pippi Longstockings in a beautiful 1991 Ford Ranger with two brunette friends. If you haven't been reading it like that, infact, if you are still not reading it like how i described, I'm afraid you just won't be affected the same way. 
Much appreciation for your cooperation.
                                                   Pippi Longstockings.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Butterflies Doing Gymnastics In My Tummy

I might be buying a truck. I need a truck. I also need money. And I should be doing chemistry or math right now since I only have a month and a half to finish that. And I need my dad to answer his phone so I can ask to borrow money. How old do you have to be to take out a loan? I  really don't want to do that. AAAHHH I'm so nervous! If I get this truck which I really hope I do (I'm meeting with the guy about the truck this afternoon which is why I'm so nervous) I'm gonna have to pay him money except it will actually be my dad's money so I'll have to pay him back and then I still have to pay my dance lessons and gas for the truck(The dance lessons are for me, not the truck) and possibly my teacher's psychiatrist bills because he has to get therapy for teaching such an awful student!
Wow. that was a long sentence. I'm so nervous I can't even pray! How bad is that! Oh man, I'm worrying. I shouldn't worry. Breathe. in. breathe. out. dad. call. me!!!!!!!!!!! gagahgahghaghl;ad'fpogu ewrpounqe9rut]\

Well, contrary to how it looks, I haven't released any stress yet. God? wuduido?

By the way, Hello.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Happy Playlist AKA Dark Chocolate playlist

To help me get back on the right track I made a playlist of songs that  I love and that I know will lift me up. I realized that I've been complaining about how nothing works out for me and it would be so great if one thing actually went MY way. But it's actually perfect that its not because that means its going God's way. And since he knows where I'm going and why and when... I think I don't mind if he puts my plans on hold. I just make His plans my plans and we'll be good. I seems I have some trust and faith issues, but I'm working on that. Anyway, The Dark Chocolate Playlist.

While I'm Waiting - John Waller
In Better Hands - Natalie Grant
Hello Sunshine - Barlow Girls
I'm letting Go - Francesca Battiselli
Bring the Rain - Mercy Me
Can't Get Away - Rush of Fools
The Lost Get Found - Britt Nicole
Love is Here - Tenth Avenue North
Sing Me A Love Song - Barlow Girls
The Beauty of Grace - Krystal Meyers
Safe Place To Fall - Cadia

And Shania Twain's "UP" is also a most played on my ipod :P 

I hope everyone is having a great day. Don't forget to remember those who have fallen and given their lives so that we can live. Jesus and the Soldiers. 

P.S. I love my perm. My stick straight blah hair is curly and hippie like :) I LOVE IT!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

You said "I'll never leave you alone."

Have you ever said that to someone? "I'll never leave you alone." Did you mean it? Did you keep your promise? God said he would never leave me alone, and he never lies. So where is he? It's not that I'm not looking hard enough. I see him at work making beauty in many other peoples lives, just not in mine. I kinda feel like the guinea pig. God tries stuff out on me and thinks "Well, that really isn't working so I won't do that for anyone else."
I'm not blaming God for my problems or anything. I'm just questioning and wondering and thinking. Tonight in our youth group we were talking about how we were made to glorify God and how all things glorify God and are for our good. Does that mean that my broken family brings glory to God? The fact that I'm a child born out of wedlock? My dad abandoning me? My dad being a better father to his girlfriends' kids then he ever was to me? I'm not happy. and right now, I don't know if I ever can be. I want to be meet a wonderful, godly man and get married and have kids one day. But looking at myself, who would want this? My life is so twisted and screwed up! I want so badly to get out of this town and start a new life, but I know it's not gonna help or change anything. It's impossible to run from reality. I don't know what to do. I should probably pray but right now, the last thing I want to do is talk to the person who gave me dad who doesn't give a shit about me unless his current girlfriend is gone. The worst part about this is that I am quite wary of people. especially guys that show interest in me. Because I'm so sure that they are just gonna treat me like my dad has treated me and his multiple girlfriends.

I think I'm just gonna buy out a bookstore and move into the mountains. I'll be a hobbit. or a hermit. what ever those mountain-cave-people are called. That way I'll be alone and I don't have to worry about anyone ever promising me things and then breaking those promises. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's quite pointless. I will go now and not come back until I can say something positive.

Hello. I'm getting my hair permed tomorrow. I'm somewhat excited somewhat nervous. I hope it works and actually makes my hair curly. I hope you have a fantastic night.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Could life get any better? uh... I think YES!!!

So. My car went from popcorn maker to------ Machine Gun. Seriously, pedestrians looked about ready to duck and hide when I came up behind them. And then after a tedious slow three hours at work I pulled out of the parking lot and scared the flock of birds that were huddled underneath. Which of course kinda scared me. Anyway, long story short, my car scared me enough to make me pull over in a tow away zone and then call my mom. of course, nobody answered the home phone or her cell phone so i had to call my aunt and I was getting all scared cause my car had a breakdown (or should I say brake-down. I feel better now) and I was gonna have a breakdown and--- it was not a pretty 15 minutes. Thankfully I got everything figured out (except my life) and now I'm home safe and warm with no car and a busy busy next two weeks. God help me.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


EEE! The guy did not ask me out, Thank goodness. Instead he told me that I was really good at what I do. Which I guess is drama and acting considering that's the only class I have with him...hmm. I should ask him to clarify. 
In other news, I sent an apology letter to my teacher saying sorry for being such a horrible student who never submits anything and that it's not his fault if I fail. Maybe now he'll pass me :P Just Kidding. I'm working on my school. Somewhat slowly kind of not really at all. 
And my car broke down. Rather it has slowly been breaking down over the past 22 years and now it just decided to take all of it's senile anger out on me. There is something in the front wheel that makes a REALLY loud clicking noise that kind of sounds like a popcorn maker on wheels. Today I was driving down main street and everyone on the sidewalk was looking at me and then this drunk guy standing by the help center started yelling and pointing to my car trying to tell me that it was making a noise. Yeah thanks sir. As if I wasn't already embarrassed enough. Oh well. The lives of the poor and unknown *sigh*. One day, I will be able to afford a run down truck that looks country and I'll paint it like a pirate ship. I actually hadn't planned on that until my fingers rapidly (pun...) typed it out. But now that I am thinking about it, that would be kinda cool.
This is fun. 
Kinda awkward.
I have nothing left to say.
Grease rocks.
Go watch "Whip It"
mkay. now I'm gonna go. 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Much Delayed Post

Hello. I'm back. I have been massively stressed and tired. The top three causes of my stress are these: Chemistry, My teacher, and Boys.
Chemistry would be my favorite subject if I could understand it. This also includes my teacher. I need help on some stuff before I can move forward and when I emailed my teacher for help He didn't reply. And I don't know how my sister is doing it but somehow she is far ahead of me, yet doesn't know what I'm taking about when I ask her a question about our assignments. Hmmm. and then there are boys. One guy that I wish would talk to me cause he was like my big brother barely talks to me anymore whereas a guy from school goes out of his way to talk to me and it's getting a little annoying. But  he just sent me an email via facebook telling me he knew he was annoying me but he would like to talk about "something and I need to take him seriously". okay.
I really just want to be done school so that I can go to Vancouver and get started on my acting career or singing or waitressing and then go to New York and involve all three.
Anyway, I should try and get some school done.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Video Promotion

Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing fantastic!
My sister and I make music videos in our spare time and our last one, "Only Prettier",  has almost 70,000 views!!! we're trying to get the rest of them up to 1000. Check these ones out if you have time :) "It Happens" is by sugarland and was made a year ago. "1000 Miles" was our first one.
If you enjoy them, pass them on. If you don't, well.... pass them on anyway :)
Thanks a bunch guys!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Zippidy doo dah zippity ay.

Hello Chipmunks!
How was your day? Mine wasn't quite half bad. As in, it was good. I finally finished week one of Chemistry (it only took me a month) and my teacher was thankful about that. I also played guitar, learned the B minor chord, learned a new song, wrote and half memorized a monologue about Sophocles, and gave people advice on answers.yahoo.com. And now I'm lying here in bed thinking of how much I didn't accomplish today and listening to the country radio station. 
A couple weeks ago I found an excellent source of energy in energy drinks. And the plus: it's only 10 calories and since I usually drink them at work where I'm running my butt off anyway, it's nothing :D My coworkers aren't as impressed as I am though. I'm pretty sure a couple of them think I'm on drugs. What's so strange about a redheaded waitress singing and dancing to Broadway show tunes? Am I that out of place? :P oh well. Their lives would be so boringly quiet without me. and my life would be so boringly drama-less without them. 
Anniewho.... I'm gonna get to sleep because I have a class in the morning that goes for 3 blocks... YAY! 
Good night.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Bowm Chica Wow Woum.

I joined a Street Team. I think it's for Trace Adkins. It looks fun. Not that I have time for it, but whatever. I'll make time. Totally random, But I think that some of the best quotes come from improv. Everyone is in the middle of a scene and someone will say a line that is so good that everyone else forgets what they are doing. I love drama class. This afternoon I'm going for the read through of  our winter play "The Merry Wives of Windsor" by Shakespeare, of course. I think it should be interesting and fun, and It will add a second play to my list of things I've done :D
speaking of which, I should probably get my chemistry done. still on week one. Man, my motivational skills are majorly lacking when it comes to chem and math. GAHHHH! 
Okay, Ciao main :)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Let's do it (Let's Fall in Love)

That has got to be to coolest love song I have ever heard. So fun!
My story for today is this. I picked up my friend and we went to school. ( I never thought I'd be able to say that!). So we get to the parking lot and I see a sign at the entrance I've always been going in. Except the sign says "Exit Only" and for some reason, maybe because I'm brilliant, I thought that that was the exit. As in, drive here to leave parking lot. But as I turn into the area my friend hides her face and starts laughing saying "What are you DOING!!" By now I am Massively confused as to why there are vehicles coming towards me so I start laughing. I go through the circle the wrong way and pull into the "Buses only" area and stop. I told me friend that she could leave if she wanted to but thankfully she stayed and helped me find the student parking. Turns out, I was in the student parking lot, just the wrong direction...
Maybe everyone who saw will just think I'm one of the foreign exchange students. After all, I am home-schooled. That's almost foreign, right?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

you're a fine piee of realestate and I'm gonna get me some land

How is everyone doing today? I hope thou art well and are neither feverish nor ill. eth.
Yesterday was my first day of school. EVER! the exciting life of a home-schooled farm girl. I'm only taking one class - Drama- and every year they alternate between a musical (YES!) and a Shakespeare play (*sigh*okay). Obviously I need some work on the Shakespearean speak.
Today's class started at, get this, 8:25 AM!!! for someone who has had the liberty of waking up when she wakes up (9:30ish. maybe) this is way early. I'm so not a morning person. I mean, who get's up at eight in the morning?! I guess it wasn't all bad. My car was only frosted over a little and traffic was only like slow Vancouver traffic. And I only almost got trampled in the hall. The school is meant to hold 600 kids and there are 1000 in there. it was seriously scary! I pretty much just walked down the halls thinking "you trip, you die. don't trip. stay alive. don't trip." great day. and it's not even noon.
you know what's hard? acting like you're happy when you really just want to be sad. When I'm on stage, i can jump into my character no problem and take over her emotions and let her emotions take over me. But when I've got to be myself and I have to be happy after a really shitty day, it's hard. I think it's because, even on stage, you become the character. So at work, I need to be a happy character and so I become the happy character with a tinge of sadness, because I don't want to let go of it. Which is just ridiculous if you think about it. My life is weird enough as it is. why would I want to hold on to emotional baggage?
Well, I'm confusing myself now so I'm gonna go pretend to do my chemistry while I really am being a nerd and playing games on dictionary.com.
Have a great day! and keep the drama in the department....

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Why can't more men be like Frank Sinatra?

okay, first off, I totally don't mean that. Frankie was a sleazy, no-good kid who's jail bird mother pushed to fame. But man, could he sing and dance. and act. Seriously? Any guy who can do those three is either dead, gay, or Zac Efron. And,sorry, but I ain't interested in any of those...
I first got into Sinatra's music this spring. I was in the musical "Guys and Dolls" (I played Sarah Brown. Best time of my life thus far) and Frank Sinatra was "Nathan Detroit" in the movie version. Which I bought. And have watched many times. After that, I started playing his songs on youtube and then I bought "Anchors Away" and today I just bought the "Frank Sinatra & Gene Kelley Collection" because a) It's awesome b) They;re both adorable, and c) I was in HMV. I can't go in and then not buy something.
ah, I love love love musicals! Why can't life be a musical? Music is so great at explaining things, and by the time you've come up with lines that say what you're feeling yet also rhyme, you've forgotten what you're mad about and everyone an sing happy songs :D
 Right now, in my musical theater dance class, we are singing "Stuff Like That There" and I am LOVING IT! seriously, I downloaded it from itunes and and put it on so many playlists.

Tonight I am 13 hours from home and totally wishing I was done high school. but I'm not.
My sister lives here in Vancouver so my other sister and I are visiting her while we're down here surprising my Grandma for her birthday. It was funny, today we were taking pictures and my brother asked Grandma to take one with his iphone. so, we were all sitting on the couch and Grandma's up studying this odd contraption and tapping the screen. We were all smiling big, fake, happy family smiles and grandma keeps tapping the screen saying "It's not taking a photograph. I'm not sure.... uh... I don't know.... oh.... *silence*... Help!" We were all laughing so hard. And she had taken about 20 pictures of us. She was so cute :P

anyway, I'm probably boring you. Mind, if you're bored then you probably haven't read this far in which case, never mind. It's really late and I'll probably have to get up early. But I'm hungry first so I'll probably get something to eat if there is anything. my sister eats crap food. it's gross.

chow mein. *If you ever need a good musical laugh, watch "On the Town"*

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

life, in general.

 I look in the mirror.
 I see an average girl who has her strengths and  weaknesses. She dances and smiles because is makes her feel beautiful. 
I look at my shadow. 
I see see the shape of jeans and a hoodie. Nothing flattering, yet, nothing scarring. The girl wears these clothes for the comfort, and the warmth, and the memories. 
I close my eyes. 
I see my self as a beautiful maiden in a green dress, aboard a pirate ship. The ship's captain is a handsome rogue who finds me troublesome yet intriguing. At the end of our adventurous story we admit our undying, faithful love for each other, and I know I am happy. 
I sigh. 
I open my eyes. 
I see my book. I see my math homework. I hear my family arguing. I grudgingly welcome back reality.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Being a Loser in a Family of Winners

I suck. At math, at chemistry, at making and keeping friends, at being funny, at everything. I don't have one good thing that I'm good at. Instead I have a few things that I'm not too bad at like singing, acting and dancing. Even then, I'm a klutz and it takes me forever to figure out what I'm doing. Now, I could probably live with this except that my mom pretends to everyone that I'm focusing on dance and that's why I'm doing so little in school; my younger sister is a perfectionist, my dad wants a perfect daughter with good grades, and my teachers think I'm a hopeless waste of time. I just spent 1 and a half hours on the same stupid Math 11 question. a) it was easy, I knew what I was supposed to do, I had the answers just not the way the question had asked for them, and b) I should be in grade 12. I think I just want to get my GED and then join the circus.
I know I shouldn't feel like this about myself. I mean, in God's eyes, I'm worth so much more and I have skills and talents. I just wish He'd show them to me.
I'm sure to Him I'm beautiful but I can't help but feel like a disappointment to my parents and my family. I want to be done with school. I'm pretty sure I'm never gonna need to figure out X and Y while I'm dancing on a stage or acting or singing. I should write a musical theater song about that. or not. again, not my talent. EFFING HELLL I hate this.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dear Rude Teenager

Dear Rude Teenager:
          Why do you think you are above your parents and teachers? Is it because you're high (pun intended)? Or maybe you just think that because they brought you into this cruel world, they ought to be punished by being snubbed by oh-so powerful you.
Another question: Why do you think the world owes you something? seriously, it doesn't. In fact, you owe it something, so pick up your litter and stop smoking. And tip your waitresses. Really, they work for you and that means they work for shit. Especially when you don't have the decency to pay the full bill. That's coming out of our wallets and yes, it does indeed SUCK to have to pay work.
 So basically what I'm saying is: Become a hobbit and stay in the mountains until you can understand how the real world works and how it Doesn't revolve around you.
- Bob B.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

cotton candy and happy faces - not my life.

well, my life is suberb!... ly sucking. In the past three days I have come home from work and started crying because of the fighting going on in my house; gotten mad at my mother; made my mother cry; made me cry; never felt farther from God; and never felt closer to God. my life is a hairball right now. Yes, a hairball. Like the thing a cat pucks up? yeah, except this is full of girl hair not cat hair and the wheezing sound that the cat makes right before it upchucks is kinda the sound of the night at my house. someone cries with a wheeze. anyway, I think you get the picture. If you're a praying person, please pray for my family, especially my mom and my sister. If you aren't a praying person... well, if you wanna, pray anyway because God will certainly hear you. 

take care. of yourself. of your family.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

If everyone was doing what they loved, maybe the world would be a bit of a happier place

Well, my day started out pretty good. I got up on time, made it to work on time, and got an awesome tip from my first table. Then, 12 o'clock happened and people would not go away. I had help between 12 and 3 and then I was on my own. With no less then at least 5 tables at all times. Because I was so stressed out, and tired, an hormonal, people tipped... just enough to let me know how much I sucked. seriously, Every table that did tip gave a dollar beneath the subtotal and then gave me a tight look and left- opening their now empty table to someone else. I was supposed to be there until 5 and finally left around 6:30. then I drove. And drove and drove and drove. I went past my driveway, past the neighbors, all the way to the river. and then I turned my car around and parked it and blasted my music and cried my eyes out. Then after 10 minutes I had myself somewhat in driving condition again, and I came home slooowlly. Then I sat in my car in the drive way and cried some more for no apparent reason, and then I just came inside and now I'm in bed. but I'll probably get up and go get something to eat.

Trusting God with my life is hard. Trusting him with my heart is exceedingly difficult. I'm trying though.

Everybody's Got a Water Buffalo, Yours is pink and mine is Blue.

Hihi. What's been happening with you in the past few spins of the Earth? Good things I hope. I have been busy and I am SO ready for school its ... not me.... Crazy, Eh? I seriously just want to be. done. with. it.
Then I can face other choices like: Traveling to Australia, Scotland, Spain, or India, among other places; Go to Rosebud School Of the Arts (I have to get accepted first I suppose); OR (I'm favoring this option) Go to Texas, Work in a cafe in a small town, meet a handsome cowboy who will teach me all the down-home country dances, and then live happy-for-the-most-time ever after.

I guess I have another option. That is, I could live each day one at a time, waiting and watching to see what God's plan is for me. That one is kinda hard to keep in the spotlight. He knows what I'm gonna do and where I'm going. I could cut back on a lot of stress if I just don't worry about it so much. Maybe, If I seek God, He'll help me find myself through him. hmm. Life. anyhoo. I'm gonna sleep because a) I can, and b) I work in 12 hours.

Yehhhhppp. bye :)

"Somewhere along the way, We've stopped telling ourselves that we can be whatever we want to be. We've stopped believing that our dreams can come true. But, what people don't understand is, Without our dreams we have nothing." - sooo not the direct quote but its something like that....